Bob is Ann's younger brother. He was only three when he was removed with Ann and placed in foster care because of their mother, Mary's neglect. Bob has been in over a dozen foster homes, had several disrupted adoptive placements, been in several psychiatric facilities and two Residential Treatment Centers. Bob is now living with a Therapeutic Foster family who are in the process of adopting Bob. Bob had been violent with his foster parents. He'd attacked them, destroyed property, and threatened suicide. Bob had been with them a year. He has been in Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy, an attachment-based therapy for about six months when he wrote this letter back to his sister. Bob is doing very well. He now wants to be adopted, is able to talk about his anger, sadness, and grief over his "lost" childhood. He is able to experience hope and joy now in his new home.
See Ann's letter to Bob.
Hi, how are you? I'm fine. I saw David a few weeks ago and he showed me some pictures of you. You looked great, and very pretty! You looked a lot darker than when I last saw you, you are lucky you must keep a tan, it takes me at least a week to get a little tan and then I lose it again fast if I am not in the sun. Do you tan or does it come naturally when you are out and about doing things?
How are you doing with your family? Is it hard to treat them good? I love my family greatly but it is hard for me to treat them like they deserve. I've had a lot of painful and hurtful experiences with loads of other parents and that makes it hard for me to believe that these are the RIGHT parents for me! So sometimes I treat them bad but they don't deserve to be treated like they are going to hurt and/or reject me the way our birthmother, Mary, and all the other foster parents did. Over the past 14 months my parents have stuck with me when times have been really rough and even when I have rejected them they have continued to love me, so I know that they have a special place in their hearts for me and only me. I'm not perfect so I still have to work hard not to let my past affect my relationships. I signed an intent to adopt with my parent at the end of June and sometime in September (I don't know exactly when) the adoption placement agreement will be signed. I think it is awesome that it is finally not scary for me to want to be adopted.
It is hard to write to you because most of my good memories of you are set in bad times and in a bad place! (Mary's) But my only good memories when I was little are of you. I remember you holding me and trying to make me feel better when James and David were scaring me and you getting me food when I was hungry. This makes me sad because Mary should have been taking care of you and me and James and David. I also remember you finding me behind the dresser at Jane King's and trying to make me feel better because we had to leave her house. I didn't have anyone else at the time but I had you to make me feel important and I thank you for the only comforting memories I have as a young child. I guess part of what I am also trying to say is that I feel bad that we did not end up together. I think it stinks that we were not able to have any control over our lives or where we ended up. Even though we had no control we both ended up in places where we are happy and have families that love us and I am Very Happy about that.
See Bob's Placement Agreement